So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
