Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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