I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Life is so much better after having sex.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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