She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
