i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
