Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
