New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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