remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
