Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I have feelings that need drinking.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
