i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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