your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
