Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
