Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
