Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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