I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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