all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
