I think my vagina is haunted
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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