When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
