Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
