We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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