jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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