I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
