Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
