Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
