His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
