And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
