Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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