I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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