I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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