it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Randomize