Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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