# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
