just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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