At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I just found puke in my bra..
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
