You made me cry and you don't even care
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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