I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
