Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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