I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Dignity is for republicans.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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