i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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