I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
