After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
40s are totally the cure
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
