So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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