That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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