Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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