I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize