Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
