This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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