Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
