oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
No more Irish car bombs ever.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
