I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
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