I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Randomize
