You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
