she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
