I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
