I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize