I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
