She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
