just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
