P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
