I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
