Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize