im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
