So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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