like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize