my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
