he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
