U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
