You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
