Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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