how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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