I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
