Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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