Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
