I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
