i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
