Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
