If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
