By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
The air taste purple.
Randomize